Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in br0kensm1le's LiveJournal:

Thursday, August 19th, 2004
11:48 am	So Precious Loving the Thrill. Street Fighter Two for Game Boy Advance owns! Chun- Li is my bitch. Blanks is HOTTT as hell. Beautiful green skin and an orange fro-like mohawk. Much love. Plus he's electric! You cant be that. I have to go pick up my bro... This post was pointless. I didn't do anything I was supposed to today. I'm such a bad girl. Maybe Someone will Spank me... Current Mood: amused Current Music: Orgy - Stiches (liquid fuck mix) or something kool like that (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
12:41 pm	I tighten my belt around my hips, where you hands were missing... First off... Lets set the scene of my morning... I wake up to "The First Straw" by 311, my ringer for my cell phone. I SWARE it only rang the first LINE of the song... "The first straw so small it seemed imposible.." Me- "Hello?" NOTHING... I missed the call after a five second ring? No fair. I requested to be awakened so I could actually TALK to my baby. But no... Cell phones suck. Amber is coming home today. She's still alive. I called her and she was obviously running through the airport. She was practically weezing.(she has asthma) I told her to STOP and WALK. She's like..." I gotta catch my plane." Having an attack / missing the plane... I'd rather have her miss her plane. I get the sense that nothing serious happened this whole time which makes me happy. You should give it up after only TRULY knowing someone for 8-9 days. She's laying over in Chi- town... at Midway. Theres soft stop in my heart for Midway. I miss Chicago... I miss a lot of things. I miss kissing my man with the big lights of the Chicago skyline behind us. *insert emo as hell sigh* ok... I should be shot... I saw Open Water with L Dizzle on Monday. It was highly disappointing. Don't waste your time. It had the potential to be kool but didn't live up to any "hype" We almost fell asleep. We kept making fun of it. And I have beef with the COLD ASS frigid bitch main character. Look, I'm EMO and a hopeless romantic. I want love and compassion. She left her lover out at sea for the sharks to eat his seemingly dead body? What a bitch! If my man got bit by a shark and lost so much blood that he "blacked out" And went into a coma or whatever I take him along with me with the slightest HOPE we'd survive. Even if he was dead... wouldn't you want a body to burry? I know I would. Tragic... This bitch had a heart of ice. My phone bill came today and it was reasonable. I'm never going online on my phone ever again though. My calls to Jason didn't cost an arm and a leg either so that makes me happy :) I have to work with Bruce tonight. Everyone bitches about him being an asshole all the time or they don't like him for whatever reason. I always stuck up for him. Not anymore. We have heat. Brian yelled at him on Thursday and he was taking it out on me. I have no respect for people that do that. I did nothing to him. He had no reason to be a smart ass to me. I got bitchy right back. He didn't really like that. SHOCK... It cracks me up that once I put a man in his place he's all shook of me. Why are women who stand up for themselves so scary? I don't get it. I have pee and do some laundry so that it for now... toodles. Current Mood: calm Current Music: Ani DiFranco - Both Hands (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 13th, 2004
9:27 am	You watched me dying. Holding me down, you brought my rebirth. Yeah... I'm a shut in... I haven't done anything of significance since Sunday which pisses me off. Wait... I lied, Monday night saw the light of the movie / adult world date with Liz and that rocked...I stand corrected... but other than that... bleh. I don't go out on the days that I work... AT ALL. This needs to change. For sanitys sake... I don't get to see hardly ANYONE. It really sucks. I feel like everyday is the SAME and that's NOT kool. I wake up sometimes eat breakfast if I feel like it. I watch the Golden Girls, The Nanny, The Golden Girls again, Unsolved Mysteries. I jog and walk the park, I go into work. I come home go to bed repeat.... it sucks donkey nuts. Life is no fun anymore, I used to have a blast all the time. Is this what it's like gettting older, cause if so I don't like it. I need some excitement, I need so adventure. I think I need some sex lol Sex is good. I was feeling kinda blah yesterday and my co-worker was like what's wrong with you. I look right at him and say, "I'm orgasm deprived." TMI ooops... Kayfabe that shit... Anywhooo I'm going to take a shower, chill out for a bit. I think I'll catch my Golden Girls. Then its off to lunch with mom. Whatever happens from there happens. Whoever calls ME first that's who I'll go out with. I'm sick of people never calling me. Why do I hate to ALWAYS call everyone who else. It's kind of annoying and kinda makes me feel pretty shitty. I wonder if Liz's parents are going away today or tomorrow...I KNOW they wont be home tomorrow for sure but... If they're gone tonight things could get interesting ;) I hope so... I miss a certain someone... still... :( I feel like I'm still licking my wounds, so to speak from the blow I took before. I feel like the prize fighter still icing the swelling long after the fight... Anyway if that certain someone is reading this... my grandma has requested to meet with you. That's all... I know things will get better for me. I'm working on myself. I believe my strength will return. I hope more sooner than later... Carry On... Current Mood: rejected Current Music: A Fire Inside- Exsanguination (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 11th, 2004
1:43 pm	How ever far away, I will always love you... First off, I've expierencing depression and fatigue and I think it's menstral related. It's leaving so those feelings should leave too thanks... I spoke with Amber today. She was going to a bank to exchange her money. All I can say is... What was I thinking giving her my blessing? I'm so against this. Long distance relationships are TOUGH! I'm not saying she isn't strong but,It's rough. I speak from expierence and it's well worth it for me... but I'm not so sure about for her. This isn't a PA/MD 3 hour long distance. This is an out of the country long distance relationship. I only see her getting hurt. The more you fall in love with someone, the more you want them around and the more it pains you when you can't have that. It's not so much of an issue for me anymore because I have enough of Marcus' love in my heart to keep me strong. I have enough independance to keep me going. I guess I don't want to see a good friend of mine go down the wrong rode. She's already been through a TON of shit in her life with men she doesn't need anymore. I can tell she's really crazy about him (she must be or she wouldn't have flown out there alone) and I can sense happiness in her voice, I just have a bad feeling. It's a little overwhelming. She's too young to get wrapped into a guy she can never see. She compares my relation with Marcus to hers with Keith. She uses me as her hope. I'm strong and I can do it, so she thinks she can. No... Marcus and I have been through A LOT to come to the point we're at now. It was NOT an easy road by any means. AND I get to see him once a week. Sometimes a whole weekend when I come down for the sun, mon, tues deal. The point is with a little bit of effort, about $30 and 3 hours of my time I can basically see him whenever I want. She won't have that ANY time soon and I fear that she will find she needs that once she comes home. She's paid almost $400 dollars to go see him once! I doubt I've paid half of that to see Marcus dozens of times. The point is our relationships are not the same, not even close... I just feel for her that's all. I know where she'd headed... *sigh* I have to go to work now. I have more to write about... maybe I'll post something later .... Current Mood: okay Current Music: The Cure - Love Song (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
11:46 pm	Pasty ass white girl in sun - sunblock = BAD NEWS Ok so a few days ago I went swimming with L Dogg and I didn't wear protection. Not kool. My nose and face fried to a crisp. I had my Lobster like complexion going on. The face is fine my nose however... It peeled and is burnt UNDERNEATH where it peeled. It looks horrible. It's like purple, I'm not so sure that's normal... Anywhooo... I get to work and Kev tells me he's not pleased with pimp master K's service as of late. My pimping has been "slacking" I know it has. I'll try and find him so ho's real soon. Speakin of ho's I miss my ho Nata San. I feel really distant from all of my best friends right now. And it sucks. Nata San and my situation is no ones fault. Conflicting schedules SUCK. I went to the mall by myself today. Solo mall trips rule. The hott dred head dude that works at HT was flirty with me as usual. It made me smile. It's good to have reminders that you are attractive and desirable even if it's only to some random guy lol CVS guy gave me a discount again... that kid RULES and he looks just like the keyboard player in School of Rock but all grown up. Car update: I'm poor as fuck GMAC just took my whole checking account almost. Bummer. I have to work Friday instead of going to Warped Tour which blows. I'm going to miss Thursday again and the Souls.... ARRRGGGG YESSS "I want you now" is playing. Dave moans and it's sexy and turning me on.... I want to cuff someone up and do naughty things to them right now ... Yeah, I'm horny it's the first time I felt this way in a week. Sue me... I'm going to enjoy it. Current Mood: horny Current Music: Depeche Mode - I want you now (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004
11:49 pm	*sigh* I'm home now. Work was ok. I'm really getting SICK of getting carded for cigarettes I'm almost twenty fucking one. Actually I'm really fucking sick of buying them for my cousin. I'm sick of smokers in general. They annoy me. I'm feeling EXTREMELY emo tonight. More so than I've ever felt. I'm feeling Steph and Patrick emo... which make me want to slit my wrists. Not that that would help me right now anyway... I still miss him. I hate the feeling and I hate admitting it but it's OBVIOUS anyway. I can't just STOP loving him. I can't turn the switch off no matter how much I may say or think I want to. I don't think I'm going to ever stop... loving him. DAMNIT I'm so frustrated... I'll just let this song speak for me then... I HEART Chris Carabba He's my emo Hero. Anyway heres the song... This is the last time I'll try to reach you and my guess is, you'll just ignore it, just ignore me Without a passing glance without the slightest sigh without moving your hands without the softest cry. If I'd say go your own way, I'll be with you make mistakes and I'll forgive you home is waiting here for you when you return. Rain reveals the foundation and this one's wearing thin and shifting in the sand. And the water does its damage with its endless beating pulse heralding the end Without a passing glance without the slightest sigh wihtout moving your hands without the softest cry If Id say go your own way, I'll be with you make mistakes and I'll forgive you home is waiting here for you when you return This is the last time I will try to reach you and my guess is that you'll just ignore it, just ignore me. Go your own way, I'll be with you make mistakes and I'll forgive you home is waiting here for you when you return Current Mood: EMO Current Music: Futher Seems Forever - Wearing Thin (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:54 pm	Why? I was talking to a close personal friend about this just yesterday. Why does everything have to be SO fucked up? Perfect things are forced to fade. But WHY? The things in life that makes us happy are tainted. The people that bring us joy all go away. Nothing is certain, nothing is forever. We're so young and jaded. It isn't right. A 20 year old has no business being depressed. These are supposed to be the Golden years. Well fuck that. Shit still sucks. Nothing fits right... Thousands of puzzle pieces. Just when you think you've got it figured... the pieces change. Life is too fucking short for people to not love and not live. Stop holding back. Anyone of us could die tomorrow. Never to see this life again. I want freedom. I feel enslaved to misery and pain. I was free but I hit the glass wall. So many unanswered questions. So much anger. Youth is sand running through the hour glass. No way to stop it, slow it down or get it back. It's wasting away. Theres no point in staying here unfufilled. We all need to have some balls and make shit matter. We all need to have the strength to change. We need the strength to fight for things we believe in and people we love. FIGHT LOVE BLEED Never Stop.... FIGHTING LOVING.... Current Mood: distressed Current Music: Sevendust - Black (1 Comment |Comment on this)